“Always go with the choice that scares you the most, because that is the one that is going to help you grow.”
I knew this year would be different. I experienced an inclination in the final days of 2018 that this year would require a lot from me, and frankly, I was ready but I was nervous. Every day after, I pushed beyond my limits, with one mission in mind– get there by any means necessary. I poured myself into making my dreams a reality. I was focused. I had tunnel vision. I was put to the test emotionally and mentally. In this time of sacrificing, I learned to do things for myself, for my happiness and that meant having self-discipline and discernment.
Throughout life you constantly hear “Be aware of the energy that you’re surrounded by.” I thought I was doing a damn good job of balancing career and love. I grew to listen instead of complain and learned to compromise instead of quit. However, uncertainty seeped through my thoughts as my relationship grew older. I wanted momentum from it, not feel stagnant. I wanted to be inspired, not feel neglected. It was difficult because I knew what I wanted, I knew what I deserved and I soon realized the life I imagined just may not be it.
Relationships require hard work. It’s commitment and calls for constant compromising and reassurance. Knowing your partner’s love language is crucial–I believe it determines the compatibility and success of the relationship. For me, I knew it and I gave what I could, but I was more in love with my dreams.
Having the best of both worlds was impossible for us because we ultimately wanted two different things; we were two different people. All I wanted was to put myself first, build an empire and if love followed then I was willing to work at it. All he wanted was love and only love. The question became: “How are we going to make it in the world with two different agendas in mind?”
Being in a relationship wasn’t the answer. It was the most discomforting truth to accept, but it was a reality we could no longer ignore. As transparency became our focus, tears rolled down my cheek, yet my heart breathed a sigh of relief because I understood it was only right to let love go… for now. I knew this year would be different.
Xoxo CHR
“When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent and could say, I used everything you gave me.” -E.B.
Cianna Hope 